The Grieving ProcessA couple of years ago, I did a short segment on Blogtalk Radio about the five stages of grief and how they relate to chronic pain (my husband also shared his perspective as my spouse and caregiver). At the time I thought I had gone through these stages and had it all figured out. In fact, I listened to the recording while I was typing this and I thought, "Hey, this sounds pretty good!" Yet, here I am, still going back and forth through the stages, like being on some sick teeter totter.
Talk to the HandYou are watching a TV show - One character is desperately trying to get the other person to listen. Yet, no matter how compelling the argument, there is absolutely no point in trying to reason with them. Not only have they closed their ears, more importantly -
They have closed their heart!
I have not yet accepted it in my HEART!
Memory Without PainMy mother passed away in December. Even though she had been sick for a long time, it was very hard to let her go. While I still struggle with the fact that she is gone, I am now also able to think of the wonderful visits we had over the years. I am getting better at remembering her without the pain.
My husband and I are still grieving the active life we enjoyed during our first few years together. We are struggling to redefine our lives, both as individuals and as a couple. While we pray that I will eventually recover enough to enjoy some outdoor activities again, we don't know if or when that day will come.
It's Not All Bad News
My husband and I often joke that we have hit all the highlights of our wedding vows -
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and health
In good times and in bad
We have learned a lot about each other through all this. Do we have it all figured out? Not by a long shot, but we are determined to see the glass half full, rather than half empty. We are learning to remember our former lives with fondness instead of pain. We are learning to appreciate every joy-filled moment, no matter how small. This is has been a most unexpected gift.