Saturday, November 23, 2013

Nowhere to Run

I have been living with pain for almost six years. It took my previous doctor and I two years to figure out which medications worked, which hurt, and which did nothing. Last year, we moved to a new region. I tried to keep my wonderful doctor of 25 years but could no longer handle the eight hour return commute. A few months ago, I developed new pain and it was intense! I was in tears almost every day; I felt I had no choice but to see a new doctor.

To make a rather long and tedious story short-er (aren't you glad?), suffice to say that I felt like a pinball. I was being bounced around from doctor to doctor because no one wanted to manage my pain medications.


Have you ever turned to someone for help and been completely let down? I was in crisis. I reached out to the people I thought were supposed to help me - whose job it was to help me! I felt abandoned, helpless and hopeless. If you live with chronic pain or other chronic illnesses, I know you understand my plight. It is not a good place to be. But, while I kept thinking that I didn't know where to turn, deep down inside - I did.

Last Resort

Since I developed Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in 2008, my walk with God went from occasional visits to church, to up close and personal - FAST! The worse my pain got, the more desperate I became, the more I begged God to help me. Funny, how we so often consider God our last resort. We turn to Him in desperation when all other options have disappeared; but that's not how it's supposed to be.
We are to seek His Kingdom first!
When I did, the most amazing thing happened.  As I drew near to Him, I experienced complete and utter peace... for two days. Yup, that was all I could muster at the time; however, that experience changed me.

Where Hope is Found

One day when I was in a great deal of pain, my husband knelt by my beside and began to pray over me. Sure enough, I began to feel that wondrous peace again.

I am finally learning to seek God before my doctors, to draw near to Him myself instead of relying on my husband to pray over me. Don't get me wrong, I have many people praying for me, for which I am incredibly grateful. In fact, we are supposed to pray for one another! However, I am finally learning to reach out to God on my own instead of thinking that I need someone else to do it for me. I am finally learning to put my hope and trust in Christ alone. This is not always easy, but the more I do, the more miracles I see.

New Hope

As I began praying before going into each doctor's visit, things began changing. My attitude was better. I was able to partner with my doctors instead of seeing them as adversaries. Doors began to open and I now have the most amazing support network in place. I've heard the statement "I can't believe you got an appointment with [specialist] so quickly!" many times. While I still live with a lot of pain, I also feel incredibly blessed!

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If you have found your way to this blog, then I know you are living in pain. I'm so sorry that you are. I pray that you will not give up the fight for your right to proper medical care. All I ask is that you do it from a position of strength rather than weakness. I have done it both ways, and I still have to choose strength on purpose.
If you can't get proper care, there are organizations that can help (here are the top 10 advocacy groups for fibromyalgia and CFS). If you would like me to pray for you, you can leave your request here or email me directly at If you would like to be part of a support network, please consider joining my Google+ community. Remember, you are not in this fight alone.

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Please consider signing my petition for better chronic pain care. We are so much stronger together!