Sunday, March 6, 2016

More than just a shattered life

In my last post, I mentioned that my husband announced he wanted out of the marriage, that he couldn't stand to see me suffer any longer... oh, and he had met someone else. Someone healthy, active, someone he could live life with (my words not his). While I have reached a place of acceptance, my heart breaks all over again every time I see a picture of us, with his family, on our honeymoon, all the incredibly beautiful  love cards and emails he sent me when we were dating. My response? To purge without mercy. Yesterday was the icing on the cake when I grabbed the bag containing my beautiful wedding gown and threw it on the trash pile.

Why share all this with you?

Because I know I'm not the only one going through this! Is my story that special that I think others should read it? Sadly, I have no doubt you could tell me more horrific tales. No, I'm not sharing this because I think my story is so special or deserving. I'm sharing this for the lost soul who is going through her/his relationship break because their spouse/partner/significant other/caregiver said "I can't do this anymore". I want them to know that they will survive this - WE will survive this!! I'm also sharing for another very important reason - perhaps the most important reason...

When the rubber hits the road

I am a Christian. That's what I call myself anyway. I say that because my behavior rarely matches up with the Words of Jesus. I get angry, I say hurtful things (many of them towards my soon-to-be ex), I feel tremendous fear rather than trusting that God has it all in hand, etc. I'm just being real here. 

So whether this is just my own accountability journal or a testament to my faith, I have decided to share this journey with you. The good and not so good parts, and everything in between. I will be living out my faith for the world to see (or maybe there is just 5 of you, that's OK too). I will share my physical journey, because we all know there is going to be a heavy price on my body once all this is said and done. I will share my spiritual journey, because I want my life to be congruent. Finally, prayerfully, I will encourage someone along the way, give them hope, but most of all lead them to the One who gives all Hope.

One day at a time

This concept is so alien to me that I almost panic at the thought of it... living one day at a time. However, Jesus Himself said:
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.      Matthew 6:33-34

Experiment #1

  • Do not worry about tomorrow
  • Look up verses that deal with worry, copy them, print them out and have them ready
  • When I begin to worry, run to those verses, go to God and pray them out loud to Him
  • Leave my worries at His feet
  • DON'T take them back just because it seems like He isn't doing anything!
If anyone wants to join me on this journey, I would love to have you along! Hearing the experiences of others helps me and everyone else who reads or participates in this "social experiment".

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you are experiencing loss after loss in your life because of chronic illness, know that my heart breaks for you as well. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy! Unfortunately, the statistics on the impact of chronic illness on marriages is dismal. Caregiver burnout is a serious issue. I used to say to my husband that I almost felt like it was harder on him then it was on me. My body dictates how much I can do, how much I hurt, etc. However, he is strong and healthy, yet my illnesses stopped his life almost as much as they did mine.

Lord, there are so many hurting people living with chronic illness(es). This is such a difficult road to travel, yet our bodies dictate that we must. I'm so thankful that when we don't think we can stand one more day, You strengthen us. Lord I pray for every hurting person reading this. Chronic illness inevitably brings heart ache - be it from our broken bodies or our broken hearts. I pray that You would shower every reader with Your amazing Love. That they would feel You wrapped around them. Though people may leave us, You never will! Help us to always reach out to you, in both bad times and good. I pray these things in the precious Name of Jesus. Our Lord and Savior, Amen.